3 min readDec 4, 2021



"So many of us didn't know we could give and withdraw consent.
We weren't taught
Our abusers knew of this power and kept it a secret from us
We bore the burden on our backs.
It weighed heavily on us until our posture changed.
Now that we've been told
Now that we want to remember ourselves,
We try to straighten a crooked sensitive muscle".

The lack of understanding of consent is deeply troubling. A cousin of mine got into trouble with her parents for stripping in front of an adult male on Facebook who secretly recorded the whole thing without her knowledge. She didn't understand what had happened to her and her parents didn't either. To everyone, she was a morally loosed 16-year-old who reached out too far and brought it to the internet. What they fail to consider was that she didn't consent to it so she was a victim.

I'll share the generally accepted key features of consent then expand the topic subsequent write ups. We shouldn't rush good things, my friend.
Here are a few things to note.

1. Consent is freely given
This means the consent given should be voluntary. It shouldn't stem from fear or coercion and the presence of which signifies there was no consent. My cousin didn't consent to be secretly taped.

2. Consent is enthusiastic.
By this, we mean you're a willing participant in the act, because you want it and not because you're expected to want it. My cousin was targeted by an older male on Facebook and persuaded to strip. There was no enthusiasm.

3. Consent must be informed.
One must have the full knowledge of what's about to happen and still consent to it before we call it consent. My cousin didn't know there was going to be a recording. She told me she didn't even know it was possible to be recorded.

4. Consent is specific.
Your decision to agree to an act has to be in regards to something specific. You can agree to share a bedroom, it doesn't mean you agree to have sex. All of those things must be specifically consented to.

5. Consent is reversible.
This is probably the most controversial one but it's rock solid. There's this myth in the hypersexuality of men, and how they can't simply " jump off a moving train". This is not true. First of all, a woman's body isn't a moving train. You're literally inside a human being, with complex emotions and feelings that can change at any time. The second is, no amount of erection will allow you to continue having sex if someone walks in on you. This is more than enough proof that even in the middle of sex, consent can be withdrawn and both parties will be fine.

We'll continue this tomorrow with illustrative pictures to aid our discussion.
Tell me, what is the most absurd thing you've heard about consent, let me know in the comments. Or, send me a mail at

"and be continually renewed in the spirit of your mind [having a fresh, untarnished mental and spiritual attitude]",

Eph 4:23 AMP




I chronicle my experience with sexual, emotional, and religious abuse. Trauma is everywhere around us and I write to show you that you're not alone.